Have you ever felt that something was off with your child but couldn’t quite put your finger on it? I’ve been there more times than I can count. Kids don’t always come out and tell you when they’re feeling down about themselves. However, over time, I’ve learned to spot the little things. Those almost hidden, quiet signs that your child could be struggling with self-esteem.
If you’ve ever wondered whether they’re experiencing this, here are four subtle signs to watch for. I also outlined some tips you could do to help them through it. Pin, save, or share the image below to keep these signs handy.
1. Avoiding Challenges
Does your child shy away from trying new activities or give up quickly when something gets tough? Avoiding challenges can often stem from a fear of failure or the belief that they’re incapable.
This hesitation might show up in small ways, like refusing to try a new sport, or bigger ones, like avoiding a school project that feels overwhelming. The root of this behavior is often anxiety about not being “good enough” or comparing themselves to others.
How to help: Emphasize the importance of effort over results. Remind your child that trying something new is an accomplishment in itself, regardless of the outcome.
Celebrate their willingness to take risks and reassure them that mistakes are part of learning. Discuss your own experiences of facing challenges to help normalize their feelings and show that growth often comes from stepping outside of their comfort zone.
2. Difficulty Accepting Compliments
Does your child downplay or reject compliments? Do they respond with comments like, “No, I’m not good at that?” If so, it may reflect a lack of belief in their abilities or worth.
This reaction often indicates that they’re struggling to see the positive aspects of themselves that others notice. While it might seem like modesty, consistently rejecting praise can signal underlying self-doubt.
How to help: Make a habit of offering specific and genuine praise that focuses on their efforts, progress, and unique qualities. For example, instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” try, “I noticed how much effort you put into solving that problem. It really paid off.” This helps shift the focus to things they can control and encourages them to internalize positive feedback over time.
3. Over-Apologizing
Do you notice your child saying “I’m sorry” frequently, even for things that don’t need an apology? Over-apologizing can be a subtle sign they’re struggling with self-esteem, as it often comes from a fear of upsetting others or feeling inadequate.
They might apologize for small accidents, like spilling water, or for situations that aren’t even their fault. This behavior reflects their need for reassurance or their attempt to avoid conflict.
How to help: Let your child know it’s okay to make mistakes and that not every situation requires an apology. Help them understand the difference between appropriate apologies and those driven by unnecessary guilt. Reinforce their value by showing them that their worth isn’t tied to being “perfect” or avoiding mistakes.
4. Extreme Perfectionism
Perfectionism can be a surprising sign of low self-esteem. After all, it often looks like high achievement on the surface. However, children who insist on getting everything exactly right or become upset over small mistakes may be masking self-doubt.
Their perfectionism can come from a fear of being judged or a need to feel in control. This mindset can make them overly critical of themselves, leading to unnecessary stress and frustration.
How to help: Encourage a focus on progress rather than perfection. Praise their effort and dedication rather than the final result. For instance, you might say, “I’m so impressed by how much time and care you put into this project,” instead of pointing out only the end product. Talk to them about how mistakes are a valuable part of learning and growth, and share examples from your own life to help them see that perfection isn’t the goal.
These subtle behaviors may not scream, “I’m struggling,” but they’re often windows into what your child is feeling. By staying tuned in and providing support, you can help build their confidence and self-worth.
What quiet signs of struggling with self-esteem have you noticed in your child? Share your experience in the comments below!
