Becoming a great mom doesn’t require superhuman abilities or endless sacrifices. In fact, it’s all about finding a balance that works for you and your family. As moms, we often wrestle with a sneaky and persistent rival known as “mom guilt”. It’s that nagging feeling that we’re not doing enough or that we’re somehow falling short or letting our kids down.
The truth is, we all have moments of doubt and feel like we never quite measure up to the picture-perfect image of motherhood we might see in the media. But here’s the good news; you don’t have to be a perfect mom to be a good one. Embracing imperfections and learning from them is a crucial part of the journey.
At Parenting From The Heart, we strive to help our readers feel empowered and supported through their parenting journey. We work hard to find tips and strategies that you can easily incorporate into your daily life to tackle any challenges. In this case, we have compiled a list of simple tips that will help you feel like a great mom and get rid of that nagging mom guilt once and for all.
What Makes A “Good Mom”?
Depending on who you ask, there are a multitude of answers to this question. It could be that a good mom is a mom who provides unwavering love, support, and guidance to her children. Or, perhaps a good mother is a good listener who understands and respects that her children have individual personalities. But then maybe it’s the mom who sets clear boundaries and expectations for her children that earns the title of Good Mom.
The point is, that you will likely get a different answer every time you ask this question. And really, it doesn’t matter how others define what makes a good mom. What matters is how you define the term and what values you place on being a good mother.
Coping With Feelings of Imperfection as a Mom
No matter how you choose to define what makes a good mom, one thing is for certain; all moms battle with feelings of imperfection and not measuring up. These can be invasive thoughts that creep in and make us feel like we are failing at being mothers. But really, it is just the nature of parenting.
My mother used to tell me that parenting was the best and hardest job she’s ever done. I finally understood what she meant when I became a parent myself. Motherhood is an incredible experience that combines overwhelming feelings of love and pride with paralyzing feelings of failure and inadequacy.
It is essential to remind yourself that no one is a perfect parent, and it’s entirely normal to make mistakes. What matters is the love and effort you put into your role as a mom that truly matters. Embrace the journey, celebrate your successes, and forgive yourself for your imperfections.
Incorporating some of these tips into your parenting journey can also help you to combat these feelings of inadequacy. Read on to see what tips resonate with you most.
1. Prioritize Quality Time
It’s not about spending every moment with your child but ensuring that you incorporate bits of quality time together daily. The old adage of “quality over quantity” is paramount here. Have a sit-down meal together, where everyone is around the table sharing a meal and enjoying a conversation. This is an opportunity to connect after a busy day and enjoy each other’s company.
Another time to connect is before bedtime; you could read a story together, have a chat, or just simply lay together. Connecting right before bedtime sends your children off to sleep feeling loved and cared for, which is so important.
Other quality time ideas could include going for a walk together, playing a board game, doing a sport as a family, or enjoying a family movie night.
2. Practice Active Listening
It can be hard to attend to every single thing your child is telling you, especially if you have a little chatterbox like I do. But, it’s so important that your children feel like you are listening to them and hearing what they’re telling you. Even if it may not seem overly important to you, it is important to them, that’s why they’re telling you.
Your child will feel heard and valued if you practice active listening with them. When they’re talking, try to stop what you’re doing, look at them, and focus on what they’re telling you. Then, try to respond to what they have said to ensure that you have understood them.
If you don’t pay attention to the little things they tell you, then they won’t come to you when they need to talk about the big things.
3. Embrace Self-Care
This doesn’t mean taking a bubble bath once a week (although that’s always nice too!), but embracing real self-care. It means you make your health and well-being as much of a priority as you do your family’s. You are the captain of this ship, so to make sure it doesn’t sink, you have to take care of yourself.
Find what sparks joy in your life, whether that is a new hobby, being out in nature, exercising, or connecting with friends. Whatever it may be, find the time to invest in that regularly. Allowing yourself to do whatever it is that brings you joy helps you to maintain your sense of identity. This, in turn, fuels you in your journey as a mother.
4. Set Realistic Expectations
Don’t add to your stress by setting unrealistic expectations, like wanting your house to be tidy all the time. Instead, set achievable goals that you can manage each day to feel that you’ve accomplished what you wanted.
If it’s the cleanliness of your home that whittles away at your confidence as a mother, set up a manageable cleaning schedule. Designate a specific room to tackle each day, or a particular area of the home that gets a lot of traffic and mess. By tidying small amounts each day, you not only feel more accomplished, but your house will remain neater.
Whatever your expectations are, make sure that they are realistic and manageable. You are not meant to be perfect, and neither are your children. Set realistic expectations to ensure that you are not overloading yourself and thus feeling like a failure.
5. Delegate Tasks
Get everyone on board! Whether it is a spouse, a friend, or family members, request help from family and friends when you are feeling overwhelmed (even better if you don’t wait until you are actually feeling this way!). When your children are older and able to take on some responsibility, then let them help out around the house.
Regular family meetings are a great opportunity for you all to express how you are feeling. It’s a chance to share what is working or not working in the home, and how you can all pitch in and help. Setting up a chore chart where everyone has designated jobs can also help to keep everyone on track.
6. Simplify Meal Planning
Who knew that becoming a parent meant that you were going to be in charge of what everyone eats for the next several years?! This is a job that many moms find challenging because it is a task that requires significant planning and execution. It is also one that is often met with turned-up noses or pushed-away plates. So, this is one area that can often make moms feel that they are not measuring up.
Not every meal is going to be a gourmet 5-course meal. But, if you can do some planning ahead of time, you can serve up easy, nutritious foods your whole family will love. Figure out what meals your family enjoys most and make a list. Then, set up a meal plan that incorporates those meals into your weekly menu. Along with the familiar favorites, add one or two new recipes to try. Figure out what you are making that week and what groceries you need. This strategy not only saves time but also money at the grocery store.
Then, set aside a bit of time on a weekend to do some meal prep. This might be chopping up veggies or preparing sauces. This way, meal preparation throughout the week is easier and less time-consuming.
7. Learn to Say No
Learning to say no is one of the best and easiest ways to be a good mom, because it teaches your children how to set their own boundaries in life. If there is an event that you do not feel like attending, give yourself the freedom to say no.
Along the same lines, do not over-schedule your children either. Allow them time to rest, relax, and be bored. Make time for downtime, and embrace the benefits of quiet relaxation. So often, children are over-programmed and enrolled in a multitude of extra-curricular activities. While those activities carry many benefits, being perpetually busy can have its downfall too.
8. Celebrate Imperfections
No one is perfect, and your children must realize that as well, so they don’t demand perfection of themselves. Celebrating imperfections as a mom can be a powerful and liberating way to embrace your authentic self and foster a positive environment for your family.
Help your children learn how to view mistakes as learning opportunities, and teach them how to develop a growth mindset. Psychologist Carol Dweck explains, “Those who believe their abilities are malleable are more likely to embrace challenges and persist despite failure.” It is the idea that our brains can grow and learn, and we can improve our skills through effort. Model a growth mindset for your children and celebrate your imperfections.
9. Incorporate Playfulness
They say that laughter is the best medicine, so why not incorporate it more into your daily life?! Find moments to be fun and playful with your children, laugh together, and be silly together. Incorporating some playfulness into the daily grind can help to lighten feelings of stress or overwhelm. It also helps your children to relax and have some fun with you too.
Try to joke around with your kids often, tickle them, make them laugh, and let them see you being silly. Those are the moments they will remember and cherish. Have fun game nights together or let loose and have a dance party in the living room. Bundle up together and have a family sleepover and movie night.
10. Teach Responsibility
One of the best things we can teach our children is to be responsible individuals in the world. The best way to teach responsibility is by real-life opportunities. When your child makes a mistake, help them to acknowledge their error and make amends. This includes apologizing for what they did or contributing to fixing the situation.
Another way to help foster responsibility in your children is to engage them in helping around the house. Assign them chores that they are responsible for completing, and hold them accountable. Teaching your children about responsibility sets them up for success in the adult world. They will become someone that others can depend on.
11. Foster Open Communication
Sometimes it is challenging to approach a parent if that communication hasn’t been fostered from a young age. Model open communication in the home, and teach your children how to be respectful listeners and advocators. They need to feel comfortable coming to you to talk about whatever is on their mind. That might be something that happened at school, a problem they’re having, or simply something they’re excited about.
Allowing your children to speak to you openly and honestly is so important. It is crucial to develop that communication at a young age, so they are comfortable coming to you when things get tough.
12. Practice Patience
We all have those moments where we lose our patience, that’s called being human. But, practicing patience every day is not only healthier for our children, but it also teaches them how to navigate tricky or upsetting situations with grace.
Develop some simple strategies for when you are feeling like you are about to lose your patience. That could include leaving the room, taking some deep breaths, or vocalizing how you are feeling. Model to your children how you identify your emotions (“I’m feeling frustrated right now”), and what you plan to do to help yourself feel better (“I’m going to go for a walk to cool down”). Demonstrating to your children how you are working on practicing patience teaches them strategies for managing their own big feelings.
13. Cultivate Empathy
Create a culture of empathy and compassion in your home, where you practice thinking of others and contributing to the greater good on a regular basis. By teaching your children to be compassionate, caring individuals you are not only raising positive members of society, but you are helping them to find joy and happiness in all forms of life.
Volunteer with your children at the local shelter, and spend time helping others. Donate regularly to local charities, and involve your children in the process. Be a good neighbor within your community, and teach your children to do the same. Explore other cultures and see how the rest of the world lives. This way, your children grow up realizing how fortunate they are and how important it is to help others.
14. Be A Present Mom
With the many demands on parents today, it’s easy to be distracted with your child from time to time. But, as often as possible, try to be present in the moment. Don’t let the distractions of adulthood take you away from time with your kids.
When spending time with your children, be sure to actually spend that time with them. Be present, pay attention, and put the phone away. Some families even choose to incorporate screen-free days, so that the distraction of screens (whether that be cell phones or gaming devices) is put away for the day and families can reconnect without the distraction.
15. Organize with Purpose
Being a good mom doesn’t mean having your home spic and span all the time, and keeping a tidy home when you have children can be quite the battle. But, if you organize your home with purpose, you can get it set up in a way that helps everyone stay on track. Have a designated spot for school items like backpacks, homework, and letters from school. Set up a bin for each family member on the stairs; when the bin is full, it is to be brought upstairs, emptied, and all the items put away.
Find the areas in your home that tend to get the most disorganized, and find ways to tackle those areas. Storage baskets, additional shelving, and regular decluttering of these high-traffic areas can help keep clutter to a minimum.
16. Encourage Independence
Building independence in our children is so important, as we want to raise them to be competent adults who can problem solve and think critically when needed. If they are continuously dependent on their parents, then children will never develop the confidence to out on their own to face the world.
Let your kids try new things, even if they’re scary. Let them explore outside, climb trees, test their abilities, and take risks. Every time they master a new skill by having the freedom to do so, they build their confidence and independence that much more.
17. Express Affection
This one is an easy one for most of us, as we all love our children. But, it is a crucial one to mention, because children need that love and affection from their parents daily. Without those moments of connection and affection, children grow up feeling hollow and without confidence and self-esteem.
Find times throughout the day for hugs, even for those older children! Tell your children regularly that you love them, and let them know how amazing you think they are. Celebrate their achievements, but even more so, celebrate them.
18. Learn from Mistakes
Never making a mistake doesn’t make you a perfect mom, because everyone makes mistakes, that’s a natural part of life. What is important is that we learn from our mistakes. Model how you learn from your own mistakes to teach your children how to learn from theirs. Apologize when you’ve made a mistake, and take steps to remedy the situation. This is especially important if you’ve made a mistake with your child and upset them.
Also, teach your children that mistakes help us learn and that by embracing those mistakes and taking the lessons from them, we can grow as individuals. This approach also helps your children to not demand perfection from themselves and to develop a growth mindset.
19. Support Individuality
Your child is an individual with their own thoughts, ideas, and identity. Support their individuality and let them know that you love them no matter what. The path they choose in life may not be the one that you envisioned for them, but it doesn’t make it any less important. Let your children be themselves and live their lives in the way that fits best for them.
By supporting their individuality, your children will realize that you love them unconditionally. This in turn will foster their confidence and self-esteem as they grow up.
20. Build a Support Network
“It takes a village to raise a child,” and yet we are living in an age where our village is no longer. At the very least it is dispersed, so we are left feeling isolated. Build your own village by creating a support network of people you can turn to on those hard days.
Join other mom support groups, set up regular coffee dates with your friends, enlist family members’ help, and let others know when you need support. Don’t feel shy to reach out, because anyone who is a parent recognizes how incredibly challenging it can be.
Conclusion
Being a good mom is about recognizing that perfection is not the ultimate goal. It’s about understanding that love, patience, and genuine care are the foundations of great motherhood. By following these 20 practical tips, you can simplify this journey of parenting and celebrate both your successes and your imperfections.
Remember that every mom’s path is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to motherhood. So, take a deep breath, be kind to yourself, and enjoy the beautiful adventure of raising your children—the easy way.
